Most high school seniors live in a world defined by “next.” We talk about next week’s game, next month’s prom, or next year’s college dorms. For me, however, life is lived very much in the “now.” While I share the same dreams as my classmates, I also live a second, parallel life. I am a senior in high school, but I am also an active patient at St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. I am not writing this as someone who remembers cancer as a distant childhood memory; I am writing this as someone who takes daily chemotherapy, manages the exhaustion of side effects, and travels monthly for labs, all while maintaining my GPA and planning for my future. This ongoing battle has not dampened my spirit; instead, it has sharpened my focus and solidified a decision I made a long time ago: I am going to be a nurse.
I have always known, in the back of my mind, that I wanted to enter the medical field. Even before my diagnosis, the idea of nursing appealed to me. But there is a difference between thinking you want to be a nurse and knowing it in your bones. My experience at St. Jude transformed that childhood daydream into a concrete mission.
When you are a patient, you see everything differently. You see the fear in your parents’ eyes, the sterility of the exam rooms, and the confusing blur of medical terms. But you also see the nurses. Because I am still in treatment, I am currently watching these nurses work every single month. I see how they balance the technical side of their job-the labs, the vitals, the meds-with the human side. I watch how they talk to me not just as a cancer patient, but as a teenage girl. They are the ones who make the unbearable days manageable. Seeing their impact in real-time, while I am the one sitting in the chair, has validated my passion. I don’t just admire them; I want to be one of them.
Living with cancer while trying to be a “normal” teenager has profoundly affected my perspective on life. It has forced me to mature quickly. When I wake up feeling the side effects of my daily chemo, I have to make a choice to push through and get my schoolwork done. It has taught me that I am stronger than I look and more resilient than I ever thought possible. It has also taught me that time is precious. I don’t complain about the small things anymore because I know what the big things look like. I have learned to fight for my future every single day, quite literally.
This unique position, being a current patient aspiring to be a provider, will make me a better nurse. I won’t just understand the clinical side of cancer; I will understand the emotional and physical toll it takes. When I eventually have patients of my own, I will understand their fatigue because I have felt it. I will understand their anxiety about scan results because I live with it. My empathy won’t be something I learned in a lecture hall; it will be something I earned through my own experience.
My journey is not over yet. I am still fighting, still visiting St. Jude, and still dealing with the reality of a childhood cancer diagnosis. But I am not letting that pause my life. Applying for this scholarship is my way of saying that cancer might be part of my present, but nursing is my future. I am ready to take everything I am learning as a patient – the resilience, the gratitude, and the empathy – and use it to serve others. I am fighting for my life, but I am also fighting for my dream to heal others.