It’s hard to define how my cancer affected my life. In just shy of a year, I endured a spectrum of traumas that no child should ever have to face. The cold terror of waking up in a dark empty room; the burning pain of eating through an irradiated throat; the radiating panic induced by the sight of a needle; that one year filled my mind with otherwise unimaginable experiences to a six-year-old child. Now, over a decade after my last treatment, the memories of those times seldom surface in my thoughts, yet their influence on my actions persists. So it’s hard to write out “this is how” and leave it. However, I know that some of the most defining aspects of myself have their roots solidly planted in the memories of my cancer. For one, the pain and hardship I endured left me acutely aware of others’ suffering.

As a child, I would often go out of my way to stop bullying. I could understand why bullies did what they did, but I couldn’t get why everyone else just stood around and let them do it. I know now many of them didn’t grasp the severity of its effects, but those understanding, still wouldn’t intervene to the point where it would inconvenience them. My experience with vulnerability and loneliness, coupled with the support of compassionate individuals during those times, heightened my receptivity to those feelings and fostered the ability and desire to do something about it. I saw a kid alone in the corner every day, and I remember choosing to be his friend. I guided him in reaching out to others and forming new relationships. By the end of the year, he still sat in that corner, as did his friends. The advice I gave came not just from a place of understanding, but from the lessons I learned from kind hearts during my cancer treatment.

Likewise, my empathy extended to other marginalized groups, including the homeless population, who I found to have markedly kinder hearts than most. It hurt me not only to see these sweet people stuck out in unfortunate conditions but also to see and hear all the terrible things people thought about them. Despite these thoughts, I made meaningful relationships with them, exchanged gifts, and showed care, and I hope that I helped them believe that they mattered and that in the untainted eyes of a child, they were worthy of love and respect.

I’ve struggled, as most people do, to decide what career path I want to pursue. One avenue I’ve been looking down is creating a foundation for rehabilitating the homeless. During my cancer treatment, countless individuals worked tirelessly to provide me with the support to stand on my own two feet. I want to give that back. The plan, though still in its early stages, is to create an organization that gives homeless and disadvantaged people a place that provides shelter, clean clothes, education, and the vital skills and connections that one needs to survive.

My experience with my cancer treatment has also had a fundamental impact on my values and passions. Being immersed in a heavily scientific realm from an early age gave me a fascination and appreciation for all things science. These conditions have fueled many of my passions throughout my life, and are driving my college endeavors. From my first science kit to my first computer, I have been fascinated by how things work and what can be done. I’ve been pursuing computer science in many aspects for nearly a decade, and for the past 4 years I have been enchanted by Physics and Psychology – as I see them, the study of reality, and the study of how we perceive reality. I don’t believe in magic, but that doesn’t mean our world doesn’t lack wonder. After all, I’m only sitting here because thousands of scientists worked for years to discover that they could save my life by blasting my face with radiation and pumping my body with toxic chemicals, and they were right. If that doesn’t exemplify wonder, then nothing does.

Through my journey with cancer, I’ve grown to embrace the magic of science, and this fall will mark the beginning of a 4-year pursuit of Physics. I look forward to being able to fully immerse myself in my passions, and find and create the support that keeps us thriving. Soon enough, I’ll be giving back to my community in ways I’ve dreamed about for over a decade, and I’ll know exactly who to thank.